1. Not Stingy, But Not Giving Either

I’ve been exploring online dating lately, and I recently met someone I’ve hung out with a few times. On the surface, he seemed polite and agreeable. He paid for some meals, so I told myself, “Maybe I’m just overthinking.” But deep down, something didn’t sit right.

I Didn’t Want to Judge, But I Couldn’t Ignore This Feeling

It wasn’t that he didn’t pay — it was how he paid. It never felt like a gesture freely given. He’d often mention that I should treat him next time, or joke about me buying him something. It started to feel transactional, not generous.

With other dates, I have different experience.

It reminded me of a different moment with someone else — after I paid for dinner, he texted me the next morning:
“Can you tell me how much the bill was last night? So that next time I can plan better. Bill on me!”
That message stuck with me — not because of the money, but because of the thought behind it. It felt sincere, warm, and balanced. No pressure. No scorecard. Just someone who genuinely wanted to give, too.

I used to be scared to voice out things like this because I didn’t want to “judge” anyone. But now, I’m learning that it’s okay to pay attention to how people make you feel — and to expect generosity that comes from the heart, not from obligation.

2. 你喜欢就好 As Long As You’re Happy — But Am I?

I recently met someone through a dating app. At first, I didn’t notice his size from his photos. In person, I realised he was quite overweight — maybe even obese. Still, we shared some interests, and I gave it a chance.

But by the second date, I felt a quiet disconnect. I found myself losing interest — not just physically, but emotionally too. The conversations felt hollow, like he was just saying things he thought I wanted to hear.
He would often repeat:
“最重要你喜欢.”

“你喜欢就好。”
(“As long as you like it, as long as you’re happy.”)
It sounded sweet — but after a while, it felt like I was talking to a mirror. No challenge, no exchange, just… accommodation.

Part of me wondered: if he lost weight for me, would I feel differently? And would that even be fair to ask? But deep down, I knew — this wasn’t about size alone. It was about connection, and how real (or not) it felt.

Dating has shown me that liking someone on paper isn’t enough. I want someone who feels present, not just agreeable. Someone who’s there as a whole person — not just to please, but to share.

3. When Being “Right” Feels Wrong

On my third recent date, I met someone who, like me, is divorced. There was comfort in that shared life experience — a quiet understanding that comes from having seen love fall apart and still being willing to try again.

But as we talked more, something unsettled me. He was the kind of person who always needed to be right. If he believed something, that was it — no room for discussion. Everyone else was just… wrong.

I found myself shrinking in the conversation. Not because we disagreed, but because there wasn’t space for anyone else to be heard. I started wondering: Isn’t everyone like this to some degree? Aren’t we all a little defensive when we think we’re right?

Maybe. But the difference, I’m learning, is whether someone makes room for another person’s truth — or shuts it down completely. I want connection, not competition. I want conversations where both voices can exist, even when they don’t echo each other.

And maybe that’s something I’m learning to ask for — unapologetically.

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