I had a meal recently with someone I usually only see on the tennis court. Nothing dramatic happened. No argument. No raised voices. And yet, I left feeling oddly tired and draining.

1. The University Conversation

When I mentioned that I studied Form 6, he immediately joked that I must be a “bookworm.” I laughed it off and explained that for many of us, Form 6 and university felt like the most affordable and practical path forward. Our parents would encourage us to study, and in my sister’s case, they went all the steps to find her interest. She’s a gamer and score a little low with her SPM, so my parents would interest her will a IT course, which she gladly accept.

Not a guarantee of success — just a safer route.

He soon revealed he never went to college, which I have no opinion at all. Both my parents didn’t go to college and I dont see any problem with them. But the conversation quickly turned into him insisting that university doesn’t lead to a better future. I wasn’t arguing for superiority — just explaining why we chose what we chose. Still, he kept disagreeing.
Eventually, I nodded and let it end there.

2. Racism, Casually Worn

At some point, he made dismissive, racist remarks toward China Chinese people. Not loud. Not aggressive. Just casually judgmental — as if it were common sense.

That kind of mindset doesn’t invite discussion. It shuts it down.
It told me a lot about how he categorizes people, not just ideas. Which lead to him hating the next topic.

3. Hai Di Lao and “Idiots”

When he suggest we eat hotpot and ask me where would I prefer. I answered Hai Di Lao.

We agreed that Hai Di Lao is expensive.
But he went further — saying that anyone who eats there is an idiot.

Disagreement is fine. Contempt is not.

4. Selective Logic

He avoids rice to cut carbs, yet believes noodles are healthy.

5. Divorce, Treated Like a Club Membership

When I told him that I am divorced, his reaction surprised me. He didn’t respond with curiosity, empathy, or even neutrality. Instead, he seemed delighted.

The first thing he said was:

“We’re the same gang.”

It landed strangely — as if divorce were a shared identity to celebrate, rather than a personal experience shaped by very different stories.

He went on to explain that he believes all divorces happen for the same reason. In his case, he cheated — but framed it as not really his fault, attributing it to “too much enticement.”

There was no sense that divorce might involve accountability, complexity, or growth. Just a neat, convenient explanation that removed responsibility and flattened every story into one.

What stayed with me wasn’t the divorce itself, but how easily he turned it into something dismissive — almost triumphant — instead of human.

6. “Golf Is Stupid”

He said golf is stupid — confidently.
The extent of his experience? Thirty minutes at a driving range, unable to hit any balls, then giving up.

It wasn’t about golf. It was about dismissing an entire sport (and the people who enjoy it) based on a single failed attempt. Another example of how quickly he closes the door on things he doesn’t immediately succeed at or understand.

What stayed with me after that meal wasn’t disagreement itself. I’m comfortable with different opinions, different paths, even different values. What unsettled me was the absence of openness — the sense that every topic needed a verdict and every difference needed to be corrected.

Some people move through the world with curiosity. Others move through it with conclusions already made.

By the end of the conversation, I noticed I was no longer sharing — I was conserving. Nodding instead of engaging. Choosing peace over explanation.

And that’s enough.