DINK, Double Income, No Kids
The rarely mentioned Cons of DINK Lifestyle
Surely, the advantages are very well sung.
The freedom, the mobility in making plans, the responsibility of raising a good person.
There’s so much pros to the DINK lifestyle, there’s also disadvantages that accompanied the decision.
Speaking from my own experience, there’s two major cons to double income, no kids (DINK) lifestyle.
1. The Incomplete Life cycle
Seeing our grandparents and parents getting older, we would never have a chance to welcome young, energetic, sprouting life.
Imagine changing a diapers for your 90 years old stroke granny vs changing cute S size diapers for a 6 months old, the later is no doubt less depressing.
I also think that 40 years old me would not bring as much laughter to my parents compared to my 4 years old niece in double braids, who just learned how to count to 100.
2. The fear of regret
Us woman had our last chance to have kids at mid forties. Sure, life before forty are damn wonderful. We could spend a week scuba dive at the most breathtaking dive site in Malaysia, worry about nothing, maybe except for financials.
When all the similar activities being done, when our physical energy finally do not catch up, would we regret our no kids decision?
When we’re at our ups, things are fantastic.
Then we forgot our coffee on Sunday morning and anxiety hits. Women are more prone to various level of anxiety and depressed feelings. The fear of regret might creep into our mind during these ugly moments.
– You will start telling yourself, you could be an above average parent
Or at the least, pass on the good stuff. You believe you have the good quality as a human, the feelings get extra strong when you see unloved child, bad parents.
“I would have act differently.”
“I can score better.”
– Are we endangering our relationship?
If our husbands regret, they can always have someone younger to bare their kids. What if he only regrets at age of 48? When the last of his friends got married and expecting their tried-really-hard IVF baby?
– It’s not regret, it’s fear of regret
The fear can be constant. At first, it only reminds you on your birthday. Then it reminds you again on all birthday parties you attend. As you age, you might start to question yourself more and more frequently.
The pro and cons of DINK lifestyle
Why don’t I want kids
1. Life is overall not fun 人生本苦
That’s how I’d comment about my life.
There were happy moments, and we can’t deny that happiness and sadness comes in a same package.
There’s ups and downs in life, and I don’t enjoy the downs part.
I don’t want to see another child struggle with exams, anxious with ever-rising cost of living, crying as a cute baby and learn how to cry inside as an adult.
2. Unconditional love
When it comes to a point of life, you’ve been to places you wanted to be, you’ve tried and bought every thing you ever wanted to, the outside things can no longer bring you more happiness.
Unfortunately I’m still far from this point. With the effort of feminism activists in the last few decades, us woman can have a lifelong career, unlike my grandparents era.
I’m not sure whether I can give up my BMW to send my kids to private schools.
I certainly don’t want to give up my weekend jobs that I enjoyed so much to take care of my kids.
I can’t commit to unconditional love.
3. I rather use the time on my parents