I don’t like my mom, and how i dealt with it (Part 3)
I don’t like my mom, but she wasn’t a drug or gamble addict. She is an A+ citizen, pay tax on time and never double park.
1. I moved out two weeks after I talked to the psycologist
Dr Collier suggested me to keep a distance to make things better. At the same time to think about what kind of relationship goal I plan to have with my mom.
I was getting married at the time, so 2 weeks later I moved in with my husband as planned.
Things get better on one side. My side. I didn’t contact with my mom. So it was peaceful and calm for a while.
Few weeks later, my mom started to send hundred words whatsapp messages. I am scared of messages like this, especially when the long essays were to blame and find fault. Needless to say, things gone bad again.
I had to block my moms on social media with trembling hands. It’s not the brightest move, but I was so scared to read on, at least if I block her, messages will remain unseen.
2. I read “Will I ever be enough” by Dr Karyl McBride
I texted with Dr Collier during the previous session. Not long later, my other social media, namely RED 小红书, started to pick up keywords and related post started to appear on my fresh feed. This book, caught my attention.
This is possibly the best one I ever read, or the one that fits the most.
One problem with dealing with moms is: Mothers are saint in our culture. There’s no bad mothers in the world, except for the drug and gamble addicted ones.
On the first few chapters, the author did not rush into the symptoms, causes and treatments. Instead, it talks about the feelings of the daughter, and the stories of bad (narcisist) mothers. It feels so good to read, finally someone agreed with our feelings. Someone brave enough to describe a full chapter of bad mom image.
However, the most important of this book is, it makes me realize my mom is not that bad after all. I can only rank my mom 4/10 from the moms described in this book. 1 being the acceptable, 10 being the worse. I repositioned my mom to the more acceptable range now.
3. At the same time, I re-read the four agreements
- be impecabble with your words
- don’t take it personally
- don’t make assumptions
- always do your best