I don’t have a dream wedding
Up till my boyfriend proposed to me, I never fantasize about getting married in white gown and green gardens.
Three real life stories that affect my view of wedding
1. Close relatives weddings that ended up ugly
A successful wedding does not guarantee a lasting marriage
When I was 14 years old, my mother’s family had a wedding, which is the first time I attended wedding of a close relative. However I was only 14, I don’t remember the wedding details at all, but I remember how the wedding did not last over two years, and it ended up really frightful. Police station visits, threatening shouts here and there, it was really terrifying for a teenager.
Around 18 months after the wedding, the wife brought over a group of 10 guys to my uncle house, with tools to disassemble household appliances like air conditioner and water heater, while my uncle and my other mom’s relative defended on the other side, us kids stood aside and watched.
This, is my first impression to a messed up marriage.
5 years later, the second wedding I attended, had a very similar setting as the first one. The couple have limited budgets, yet with a list of requirements, the one day event had to rely on loans and debts.
In my opinion the wedding was okay, then I learnt that, no matter how perfectly a wedding was done, you’ll still have to expect negative comments, some even came from really close family members, which can hurt the couple especially when they were both very young and were fragile to judgement.
This marriage lasted around 3 months, the husband cheated and left the wife with an unborn child.
It’s not the worst. Due to the urgent arrangement of the wedding, the legal signing was arranged AFTER the tea ceremony and grand dinner. Later on the ROM day, the groom did not show up. That’s when I learn the second thing: no matter how grand your wedding dinner is, it doesn’t mean anything if you never sign the paper. So I made a mental note to myself, for my own marriage, I will not start organizing a wedding party until the we sign the legal paper.
2. My own parents wedding
My dad wasn’t born into a wealthy family, so he has to earn each cent and penny to pay for the big day. He might want a simple wedding, but not my mom. My mom was the kind of girl who fantasize of a dream wedding since young, growing up with another 6 sister perhaps that is what doomed to happen.
So they planned for one for a small loan. The loan was soon paid off with the angpau they received.
The damage was however, along the preparations, two families have opinions toward each other.
My parents stayed together even since, but if you ask me, only their status is marriage, not their relationships and soul. It was the era divorce was frown upon. Children acted as the strings that tie up the broken pair, which remained broken still after years. They are married, but no longer in love.
Their Wedding Photo Album
Their dusty wedding photo is the reason why we did not print out our wedding photos. We had the photo sessions done in Shanghai, China, at an affordable price. We did not print out the hard copy and spent only 1/5 of what other couple would spent. The sessions are all inclusive at $250. The cons is, we only get to keep the softcopy.
3. The only advice my dad had given me
He said, take good care of your financials. Not only the expenses on the wedding day, but the marriage.
We’ve started a savings account a year or two even before my husband proposed. When I finally received the diamond ring, we’ve already have a small amount in our account.
That’s when it get difficult. Now we have to spend the money that we saved little by little, in one shot. I believe its almost the same feeling we took a long time to put off some weight, then we have to feed on oily fries because it’s the only food available that evening.